I think im going to throw up on grandma
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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