And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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