I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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