I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
