nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
