Having a random hookup so left but love u
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
