my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
