Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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