hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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