"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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