go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
