i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
