We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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