You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
