he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
