Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
