Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
