Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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