I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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