Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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