Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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