Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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