What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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