I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
