Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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