Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
