Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
