if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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