Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
