Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
