My hand turned me down
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
