The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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