The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Houston, we have a squirter
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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