True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
