If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
