i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize