What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
