also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
