Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
