I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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