so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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