so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
