dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
