I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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