I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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