There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
