By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
