i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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