Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
