I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
