So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have fence marks all over my body
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
