We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
