OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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