Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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