JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
