I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
