She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
