i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize