He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
