just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
