No stitches, just platelets and will power
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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