I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize