Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize