i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
