She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
