Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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