two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
