If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
