do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
