Say something about gay babies.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
